I want to help my wife feel sexy again. And I think I need another man’s help to do it.
You see, my wife just doesn’t feel like herself. To the extent that she asked to take a break from the swinger lifestyle.
We have two kids. She’s still breastfeeding the youngest one, and as part of the whole breastfeeding thing, her hormones aren’t like they used to be.
She’s not getting enough sleep, and she’s tired all the time. Even though she works out at the gym 5 days a week, she feels bad because she still wants to lose a few stubborn pounds before she feels like she’s got her body back to where it used to be (although I think she already looks fantastic, and so do the various swinger friends who have eagerly had sex with her in the past year that we’ve been in the swinger lifestyle).
I tell my wife all the time that I think she is sexy as hell, that I have never NOT been attracted to her (even during the most exhausting days of pregnancy and early parenthood, I still loved to be anywhere near my wife). But I think she won’t really feel sexy again until she starts getting attention from other men.
My wife says she feels like she never gets hit on anymore. One of the things she misses about being in her 20s was that men would hit on her ALL THE TIME. She says that men used to take risks to be with her, and she misses feeling so intensely desired.
I think I need to help my wife find a polyamorous boyfriend. Or recruit the help of some of our male swinger friends to make her feel desired and sexy in a way that perhaps I, as her husband, cannot. She takes it for granted that I find her sexy. I know she appreciates my compliments and my attention, but I think she just assumes, as a given, that I am attracted to her – that’s nothing new to her. I think if I’m going to help my wife feel sexy again (aside from helping her get enough sleep and go in for hormone therapy, if needed), she needs to feel attention of other men again.
Last weekend we were out at a concert, and one of my female friends was there with a male friend of hers, and the guy mentioned that he thought my wife was beautiful. My wife was really intrigued by that, and said that it made her feel a lot better. My wife has said to me that she’d feel better about me playing alone and having a polyamorous girlfriend if she also had opportunities. She doesn’t want to be in a situation where I have more opportunities than she does, and she’s sitting at home alone with the kids while I’m out getting laid. She’d rather have it be a situation where we both have opportunities and we both are feeling the excitement of being with someone new – not necessarily together in the same room.
This whole experience has reminded me about the meaning of compersion. I’m not just happy for my wife to feel desired and enjoy the experience of being with someone else – I want to actively help create opportunities for her to have that experience. Am I a great husband, or what?
What are some ways that being in the swinger lifestyle/polyamory helps you and your spouse feel sexy?
- Real swinger stories: One of us needs it more (swinglifestyleblog.wordpress.com)
- Swinger fantasies: What I want right now (swinglifestyleblog.wordpress.com)
- What’s the difference between being swingers and polyamorous? (swinglifestyleblog.wordpress.com)
- Why “progressive swinging” works for us (swinglifestyleblog.wordpress.com)